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.. well, by some standards it was. But it was a haven for wild birds ... titmice of three sorts, finches of at least three sorts, sparrows, dunnocks, wrens, thrushes – three sorts of thrush, too – robins, nuthatch and the occasional woodpecker. From time to time there would be panic stations among the smaller birds, who would take refuge in the shrubbery and a flash of blue would be a Sparrowhawk trying for a meal. Then there were the butterflies visiting the Buddleia and other fragrant plants. There were other less welcome but equally necessary visitors to our little ecosystem, like wasps. So, when it came to laying her to rest, I asked that the grave not be turfed over, and I planted meadow plants and seeded it; annuals, bi-annuals and perennials. Each week I'd visit and sit for a while on a little folding stool and hold a conversation – imaginary, but somehow real – with my dead love. I would keep an eye on the little meadow and pull out the occasional dandelion, thistle or. She's broken her maidenhead with tampons, and for god's sake she took a ride home with a hulking great senior while you were away. That's what happens, you see. Some football star fancies her and confuses her about the sexual act forever, when what she wants is you, the father is always a girl's first love. Aha, you finally flinched. She'll be so grateful, and will have a lovely future, not spending time as a roundheel slut like her mother. "They discussed the matter for fifteen minutes, but Jeb had thought the matter through thoroughly, and he eventually ended up conceding her point. "Fine darling, then we will drive down to Cornwall this weekend, and Alex can take me out in the boat, while you teach young Rebecca something about cooking, she shows no inclination at all in that direction. I suspect she shares some sexual genes with me, dear, and that has amused you lo these many years, so I am certain you will find her instincts suit you. Now then, you may notice my bum is rather.
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